20 jobs to work your way out of before your child is 10

Toolbox Tuesday: Here's your quick guide to children's agency and parenting redundancy.

Most parents I speak with want their children to become independent. It’s a no-brainer really.

They want their children to be able to make their own choices, to think for themselves and to embrace responsibility.

Yet, as revealed on the excellent ABC television program Life at 9, most nine-year-olds don’t feel ready to embrace independence. (The 2014 Life series followed the development of a group of Australian children over two-year periods since they were one. It’s content even so relevant today.)

Paradoxically, one of the main reasons for children’s reticence is the limits placed on independence by parents.

For instance, in an experiment on the program children and a parent built something together. It was demonstrated just how unconsciously parents tend to make decisions on their children’s behalf: in every pairing it was the parent who took the lead and made the decisions about what they should build.

Later, after the children were given the chance to build their own construction, they universally preferred the one they had built independently over the one created with their mother. Self-esteem is built when children do things on their own, not when they are done for them.

On the responsibility front, less than 50 per cent of the nine-year-olds in the series did regular chores. However 90 per cent of children who grow up in large families do things such as get themselves ready for school and help around the house.

Many kids think their neighbourhood is dangerous

Disturbingly, most of the nine-year-olds in the study think the world is a dangerous place. Fear of strangers, increased traffic and the sheer size of suburban neighbourhoods mean today’s nine-year-olds spend more time in the car than walking around their local area.

Three in four children are driven to school, where just a generation ago that number was more like one in three.

Keeping kids safe and free from responsibility prevents them from learning, and stops them from thinking for themselves. The more children move away from parent protection the more they move toward dealing with adversity and importantly, autonomy.

Developmentally, nine is the age when children should be getting out of their comfort zones. It’s an age when kids need the freedom to flourish while also needing nurturing and monitoring from their parents in order to provide the safety necessary for healthy autonomy.

With this spirit of building autonomy in mind, here are twenty tasks that children could and should do for themselves by the age of ten.

1. Get themselves up in the morning using an alarm.

2. Pack their own school bag each morning.

3. Make telephone calls about simple requests such as asking if a store has an item in stock.

4. Look after the rubbish including putting bins outside, emptying rubbish and recycling.

5. Prepare healthy snacks before, during and after school.

6. Make their own breakfast.

7. Cook one evening meal a week.

8. Walk to the shops on their own.

9. Tidy their own bedroom and make their bed.

10. Clean their part of the house including tidying, sweeping and vacuuming.  

11.  Keep clothes and shoes clean including using a washing machine and an iron. At the very least put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket.

12. Care for personal items such as toys, technology, sports and leisure equipment.

13. Take messages to school including delivering excursion notes and other important messages to the front office.

14. Take responsibility for personal hygiene such as teeth cleaning, bathing and keeping their face and hands clean.

15. Feed and look after pets on a regular basis.

16. Pack and unpack the family dishwasher or alternatively wash and dry the dishes by hand.

17. Prepare the weekly family chores roster.

18. Choose clothing each day within suitable limits.

19. Make their own in-store purchases and shop for some personal items.

20. Manage their own simple expenditure such as lunch money, entertainment expenses and some personal items.

How are going?

Okay, so how are you looking. I suspect that this will vary according to different kids. Birth order factors and parenting strategy, among other issues play a part.

If ten is a fair way off for your children, then I suggest you work your way toward it by creating junior versions of each of the tasks above. Adopt a similar approach if your child is neuro-diverse or has special challenges.

Your aim as a parent is to make yourself redundant at the earliest possible age.

The best place to start this process is at home. Learning to do things for themselves provides kids with agency as well as tremendous satisfaction.

More importantly, it prepares them for the autonomy that they will need to seriously thrive when you’re not around.

PS: Keep this list handy so you can refer to it often.

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