44 sons
Knowing your legacy is a key to parenting success
“This is the best day of my life.”
Ten days ago Collingwood coach Craig McRae said this in front of 100,000 screaming fans at the end of the AFL Grand Final after his team narrowly won a pulsating thriller.
(For my non-Aussie readers AFL is our major sporting code and it’s massive here. Collingwood is it’s most famous team but with a chequered history of winning grand finals)
McRae went on to tell the crowd that his wife had given birth to a baby daughter on the morning of the Grand Final.
Yep, that’s quite a day.
But the story doesn’t end there.
Later that night at a club function McRae revealed that he wrote “44 sons” under his shirt collar. He urged every player to inscribe a personal message in two words under the collar of their own jumper describing the legacy they wanted to leave as a person and a player at the end of the season.
McRae’s “44 sons” legacy referred to the total Collingwood squad, whom he saw as his sons.
“I’ve got three beautiful daughters now, I don’t have a son, but I consider all these guys in the squad my sons, so I wore that under my collar today,” said McRae.
Every leader leaves a legacy
Every leader, whether at work, in a family or in the classroom leaves a mark at the end of their term.
As a parent you’re many things - psychologist, doctor, chef - the list goes on. But that list is about management.
Most significantly, parenting is a leadership role. You are leader of a group - whether one child or more - made of a diverse group of individuals.
Many parents feel uncomfortable with the leadership role. It requires something bigger and more strategic than merely being a manager.
But it also gives you licence to design your own parenting journey, which is exciting.
Your ability to lead the group is dependent on many factors, which I’ll cover in great depth in future posts.
Knowing your legacy - how you want you kids to remember you- is a great place to start.
Legacy is the cornerstone of positive family culture
The nature of raising kids means that we tend to always focus on the present. There’s an urgency that always seems be present.
There’s always a friendship issue to deal with; a problem to solve, or a squabble to manage.
Everything brings you to the here and now, which is where the manage spends most of their time.
But your family culture’s is built by the leader, rather than the manager, in you.
It’s built by parents who take the time to see the bigger picture - to peek into the future and imagine the legacy they are creating with their parenting.
This writer is of an age where he sees his children parenting their own children. Part of their parenting is a legacy of how they were parented. The other part is an amalgam of their life experiences, their partner’s choices and the impact that their children have on them.
But their similarities - for instance, they each strive to build agency in their children - is a legacy of their own experience of family life.
It’s a legacy of their original family’s culture of independence-building (among other values.)
Write two words
So what sort of legacy do want to leave as family leader?
If you haven’t thought about it already I suggest that you start small.
Write in just two words about the legacy you’d like to leave at the end of this year. Simply, how do you want to be remembered by your child(ren) come the year’s end.
At the end of the year reflect on your two word legacy and its impact.
Then in January repeat the exercise but extend the time frame until the end of the year. You may need to revisit your two word legacy a number of time to stay on track. You may even alter slightly as you go.
Try the same exercise with your child(ren), if they are old enough and your game enough. I suspect they’ll love it!
It’s a wonderful exercise that I encourage teachers to do with students in my student leadership program.
Teachers tell me that it’s the most powerful part of the program.
Knowing your legacy is a powerful part of parenting too.
Go on give it a try.
Just two words