A light-hearted parenting tool with seriously good outcomes.
Add this to your parenting toolbox for better relationships, happier kids and a more relaxed family-life.
A quick note: This fortnightly parenting guide will be added to Smarter Parenting and on the Parenting Toolbox website.
By the way, I’ve been dying to write about banter for some time. It’s such an underrated parenting tool.
Enjoy (and please share if you think it’s valuable to others.)
Banter is a keystone tool that fosters relationships, creates a great family atmosphere, and serves as a necessary entry point for deeper communication with teenagers.
Banter is fun, carefree and playful.
It’s NOT teasing, taunting or hurtful.
At times, light-hearted banter between kids can cross a line and be offensive.
So banter needs boundaries and limits.
Banter should never offend.
If it does, then it’s teasing or even bullying, not banter. So banter is not a free-for-all.
Banter is a:
1. Relationship-builder
Traditionally, fathers have a lock on banter.
They tend to see the lighter side of situations more easily than mothers. (I suspect this is because dads don’t carry the same parenting load as mothers. But I could be wrong!!!)
But regardless of gender, the ability to have some light-hearted fun with kids is essential for building solid bonds with children and teens.
2. Atmosphere-changer
Family life a little tense? Perhaps things are a tad dull, and you need to change things up.
Try some light-hearted banter to lighten the mood, and put a smile on everyone's dial.
Banter is a fabulous way to shift tension, lighten the atmosphere and change the general mood in your family.
Expert tip: I firmly believe that as a parent, you need to be the mood you want in your family. If you wish for the family mood to be pleasant, then lighten up with some well-placed banter.
3. Conversation-starter
Dr. Tim Hawkes, author of “Ten Conversations You Must Have with Your Son”, says that families that engage in banter usually talk on a deeper level.
Hawkes is correct.
Banter permits parents to have difficult conversations with teenagers about tricky issues such as sexuality, risk-taking and alcohol usage.
If you don’t have some fun with your child or teen, then it’s almost impossible to talk on a deeper level, when required.
Banter breaks down barriers, revealing vulnerabilities.
It also helps drop the masks that parents and kids wear.
(An aside: As a speaker, I always have some fun with my audiences, just before we delve into some tricky parenting areas together. Banter, like fun, is a powerful bonding agent and permission-giver.)
How to use banter in your family.
There are three rules for successful banter:
Ensure that you select the right time and place. Banter s flat when it’s given out of context or runs across an agenda that another parent has.
Be in a playful mood when you engage in banter, otherwise it can be seen as sarcasm or manipulation.
Know how to stop. You need to be able to dial down the fun as well as dial it up.
Follow these three rules and you won’t go wrong.
Who would have thought?
Who would think something as light-hearted as banter could have such a significant impact on family life?
Without banter, life is drab, dull and way too serious.
Introduce some banter, and watch as your family atmosphere lightens, moods change, and life becomes fun. Stress and tension disappear.
Importantly, becoming an adult becomes more attractive to kids.
One of the primary responsibilities of parents is to teach their children to live life well.
Banter helps us all live a good life.