Cool tools to reduce teenage risk taking

Most parents think their teen is three years younger and most teens think they're three years older than what they are.

Photo by Oliver Ragfelt on Unsplash

It’s amazing how differently parents and teenagers see the world.

A fifteen-year-old teenage boy will see an image of a bungie jump and say, “How good would that be!”

His parents would look at the same bungie jump image and say, “No way. That’s not for me! Way too scary!”

Same event. A teen sees excitement while his parents see risk.

That can partly be put down to brain development – a teenage brain isn’t fully developed and struggles to see risk – and partly due to experience.

Many parents think their teenagers are three years younger than they really are, while most teenagers think they are three years older than they are.

Healthy teens generally want more freedom, while parents want to make sure their young people stay safe as they navigate the world beyond their family. 

Finding middle ground is a challenge but here are some simple strategies you can use to maximise safety and minimise risk.

Reward responsibility with freedom

Young people will generally push the boundaries that you set. Even simple requests such as to be home by dinner can be met with push back.

“No one else has to be home so early” is the type of teenage refrain heard the world over.

Rather than blindly pushing out boundaries because that’s what every other parent is doing, consider rewarding responsible behaviour with greater freedom.

As young people grow and show the ability to make smarter choices allow them more authority and agency over their lives.

Increasing independence involves greater freedom to choose, which demonstrates trust and faith in their ability to make good decisions.

Give them information to help decision-making

Young people often can't see the long-term consequences of their decisions so it helps to give them information to help them make smart choices.

Brain research shows that teenagers in the 13–18-year age group need help and guidance around decision-making.

The pleasure-seeking part of their brain tends to dominate the reasoning part of the brain during this stage.

Let them know risks without scaring them. We know that scare tactics don’t work but giving them facts do.

Discuss known risks that can occur around the behaviours and freedoms they engage in whether it’s going out at night; spending a few days at a camp or going to a music event.

Do so without scare mongering or backing them into a corner with comments such as “Don’t you dare…….”, “I don’t want to hear that you’ve……” , “Don’t come crying to me if you….”

Use this 3-question filter to help teens assess risk

The following three questions is a useful tool to prompt young people to make smart decisions, particularly when you’re not around.  

Encourage your young person to ask themselves these three questions when assessing behaviour in new or challenging situations:

1. Is it safe? This question helps them to assess risk.

2. Is it fair? This question helps them to be sociable and consider others.

3. Is it smart (and in my long-term best interests)?  This question encourages them to think ahead, which isn't a typical teenager's strong point.

The safe, fair, smart tool needs to be repeated often so that will sink in.

I suspect my three adult children can repeat these questions verbatim as they were repeated often, regardless of the withering looks, raised eyebrows and shrugged shoulders they provoked.

Promoting independence and agency in adolescents is hard work as you’re always treading a fine line between being too protective and allowing young people too much freedom.

If young people are to learn how to make smart choices adults need to equip them with the tools as well as the opportunities, to make decisions for themselves.