Best 7 Parenting Insights From the Vibrant Tapestry of India.
Solving some of your most difficult parenting problems and challenges.
Welcome to the Sunday Series and the new subscribers who joined Parenting Toolbox in the past fortnight.
This series differs from the regular Parenting Toolbox newsletter articles in that it takes a different, sometimes deeper, look at the world of parenting.
In this issue, I reflect on the parenting lessons I learned from a month I recently spent in India.
Yes, there’s a lot we can learn from our sub-continental brothers and sisters.
Wow! Wow! Wow!
I've just returned from a month of travelling and working in India. What an incredible experience!
Its population is 1.4 billion, and its landmass is smaller than Australia's (my country), which has a population of 27 million.
From its diversity of people, fantastic food, and vibrant culture, there is so much we can learn from India.
However, I drew the most significant lessons from the approach of Indian parents to parenting and family life.
(Yep, I’m a parenting educator! What do you expect?)
Indian parents use many evergreen child-rearing methods that other cultures and countries can learn from.
Here are the most significant seven strategies and tools I saw:
1. “Okay, kids. Go to school and learn.”
Indian parents value education highly. They don't take it for granted.
Schooling is the path to success and a better life, so their kids are encouraged to make the most of their time at school.
In India, schools, parents and teachers are clear - school is for academic achievement and the pathway to a better life.
Even in the poorest village, children went to school every day dressed in school uniforms and carrying bags on their backs.
Expectations are high.
Children are encouraged to excel academically and pursue higher education early.
This focus on education fosters a culture of learning and achievement, inspiring children to set high goals and work diligently toward them.
They expect kids to fit into school, not the other way around.
The flip side is that the pressure to succeed can be intense. However, the underlying principle of valuing knowledge and continuous learning is invaluable.
2. “Now, respect your elders.”
Respecting elders is deeply ingrained in Indian culture, and this value is strongly emphasised in parenting. This seems an area Western parents struggle with.
Kids in India are expected to respect their parents, grandparents and other family members.
This respect extends beyond mere obedience; it involves listening to their wisdom and valuing their life experiences.
Mentoring is a huge part of family life with twenty-somethings learning and following in their parents' footsteps.
Such respect helps build strong family bonds and a sense of community, teaching children the importance of valuing and learning from older generations, which is something we seem to have lost in the west.
3. “Remember, it's about family.”
There's no doubt that Indian families are often close-knit, with strong emotional and social connections among extended family members.
The “It takes a village to raise a child” cliche is a reality in India.
Indian parents prioritise family time, encouraging children to spend quality time with siblings, cousins, and grandparents.
This emphasis on family bonds helps children feel a sense of belonging and security.
It also teaches them the importance of maintaining relationships and supporting one another, fostering a sense of unity and empathy.
The rise of multi-generational homes
Multi-generational homes are the norm throughout the sub-continent, accommodating three generations or more.
Living in a multi-generational home benefits not just kids but every generation. Grandparents are valued, parents are supported, and children grow up surrounded by a bevy of adults invested in their welfare.
As countries such as Australia grapple with housing crises, we can learn a great deal from countries like India, whose housing policies and practices are designed to keep the generations together rather than apart.
4. “Know where you come from.”
I was astounded by the depth of knowledge most Indian kids have about their heritage.
Most upper primary-aged kids could trace their family heritage back at least four generations and could tell me where their families originated from.
This is not accidental.
Indian parents impart cultural and moral values through stories, traditions, and rituals.
Children learn about their heritage, cultural festivals, and the importance of moral conduct from a very young age.
These teachings shape their identity, instilling a sense of pride in their culture.
5. “You'd better do the right thing.”
Indian parents place a strong emphasis on discipline and responsibility.
In middle-class homes, children are expected to help with chores and learn the value of hard work and accountability. Parents don’t struggle as much to get kids to help as in Australia.
(As an aside, parents who are part of the Indian diaspora in Australia frequently struggle to get their kids to help at home!)
The place of expectations
Parents in India are strict with children and have high expectations for their behaviour.
Conversely, parents sometimes use physical discipline methods that wouldn't pass muster in many Westernised countries.
I suspect these methods will shift with exposure to different discipline modes.
Uneven gender expectations
On the other hand, gender expectations are uneven, as it appears that girls are expected to carry out more chores than boys. The latter also gets more parental latitude with boundaries and poor behaviour. Hopefully, these differences will disappear over time.
6. “Look after yourself, okay!”
While Indian parents are usually strict, they are deeply caring and involved in their children's lives.
Emotional support and guidance are key aspects of Indian parenting, not an additional extra.
The typical day of an Indian family is longer than in my country, with more built-in breaks. This free time is a boon for family relationships and mental health.
Kids go to school at around 8.00 am but are home early in the afternoon. The evening meal is typically eaten at 8.00 pm or later, so Indian children and teenagers have plenty of free time to relax, do homework, and play sports like cricket.
The place of supportive grandparents and broader family
Parents provide a strong support system backed up by grandparents, uncles and aunties, offering advice, encouragement, and comfort in times of need.
This unwavering support helps children build confidence and resilience, knowing they have a reliable source of guidance and understanding.
7. “You can take both roads.”
India is quickly becoming an economic powerhouse with a fast-growing middle class.
Parents must navigate a delicate balance between maintaining cultural traditions and adapting to modern influences.
They do a great job of walking the fine line between old and new, the past and the present, a spiritual life and consumerism.
Hinduism meets hedonism. Indian food meets fast food. Traditional clothing versus western clothes. The past intersects with the future at every turn, yet Indian kids can accommodate both. It’s not and either or, it’s both but at the right time and in the correct circumstances.
Adaptability is key, yet children must be rooted in their heritage while being open to new ideas and experiences to bridge the gap between the old and the new.
We should foster this flexibility in our kids, as it’s a key to social and workplace success.
Finally……
No culture or country has a mortgage on good, effective, or positive parenting. There are many ways to be right.
Looking outside your culture is helpful to see what lessons you can learn.
(In a previous Substack article, )I discussed parenting lessons we can adapt from Sweden.
Incorporating these parenting lessons from Indian parents can enhance our approach to raising children, blending cultural wisdom with modern parenting techniques.
While each family is unique, the core principles of education, respect, family bonds, cultural values, discipline, emotional support, adaptability, and celebration of achievements can universally enrich your parenting experience.
I’d love to hear your comments and experiences. Let me know what you agree or disagree with.
Just be polite in doing so!!
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