How To Bring Out The Leader In Your Child: An Expert Guide.
Discover The Secret To Nurturing Genuine Leadership In Your Child.
Every child is a leader in waiting.
Parents play a vital part in unlocking their child’s leadership potential.
Leadership in families is usually bestowed on the eldest child. We expect more from firstborns than from children in any other position.
Responsible, goal-setter, rule-keeper, and achievement-oriented are some of the leadership characteristics firstborns share.
Every child, regardless of their birth order position, has leadership potential waiting to be recognized, nurtured, and developed to realise their leadership abilities.
Leadership will inevitably be thrust upon kids in adulthood, so it's best they’re prepared for it so they can leap when the chance comes.
What a waste of potential if they let the leadership chance slide by!
So, how can you bring out your child’s leadership potential? What can you do to nurture the leader in your child? How can you lead your child into leadership?
These seven strategies will start you on the path of developing your child’s innate leadership potential.
1. Develop a leadership mindset in your kids
As an adult, you’ve probably experienced the power of mindset.
For instance, if you develop a fitness mindset—that is, think like a fit person thinks—physical activity will soon become second nature.
You will take the stairs instead of the lift because that is what a physically fit person does. You will walk briskly rather than meander.
You’ll eat healthily, as a good diet and physical fitness go hand in hand. Physical fitness soon becomes part of your identity, so physical activity and healthy eating become unbreakable patterns rather than habits.
Encourage kids to think like leaders by introducing the language of leadership into family-life. Use simple, two-word terms related to leadership characteristics such as teamwork (“Work together”), presentation skills (“Speak out”), emotional intelligence (“Tune in”) and Responsibility (“Be accountable”).
Then, focus on broader aspects of leadership such as delegation, problem-solving and integrity by using phrases such as:
“Share the jobs around.”
“This is a problem you can solve.”
“Do what’s right, not what’s easy.”
If you think your child is ready and old enough, challenge them to approach different situations with a leadership mindset. “How would a leader think and act in a game of sport?” “How would a leader think if they made a mistake?” “How would a leader treat a friend struggling at school?”
Leadership tip: Incorporate the language of leadership into your family’s proprietary language.
2. Develop Agency
My daughter organised her own six-month student exchange to Denmark at the age of fifteen.
My wife and I insisted she organise the trip (with some assistance from us when required) as we needed to know that she had sufficient agency or capability to get by on the other side of the world for such a long time without her parents. (We live in Australia.)
She did! It was a memorable, life-shaping experience.
Her sense of agency just didn’t miraculously happen.
From a young age, she was given a great deal of agency and control over her life. As a prep student, most days, she prepared her own breakfast. At the end of primary school, she cooked an evening meal once a week, and she made her lunch each day when she started secondary school.
Her siblings followed suit.
When you develop kids’ agency, you not only develop their independence but also the core competencies of leadership, including problem-solving, resourcefulness, confidence, and resilience.
Leadership strategy: When kids can, let them do.
3. Give them real responsibility
Here’s a question some parents find uncomfortable answering:
“What does your child do that someone else relies on?”
Hopefully, your child helps at home without being paid so that they learn to contribute to the family good.
And hopefully, those jobs add real value – e.g. the garbage is emptied, dishwasher stacked, pets are fed – so that kids learn that their contribution is an integral part of family life.
And they’re not rescued if they forget or neglect to do their chores. For instance, an evening meal isn’t placecon the table until the knives and forks are put on the table. Now who’s job is that?
Real leadership is about accountability, which starts at home.
Leadership strategy: Place chores on a roster, which shifts responsibility to children.
4. Make the most of mealtimes
Regular family mealtimes offer a brilliant opportunity to develop the leadership characteristics of sharing, teamwork, and communication skills.
Food and conversation are shared, and everyone has a stake in the meal process, whether it’s cooking, getting some ingredients from the pantry, setting the table, taking away dishes, etc.
Okay, not every child will participate willingly. At times, there may be arguments, but to the best of your ability, focus on making mealtimes memorable rather than simple refuelling exercises.
Leadership tip: Ask your kids, “Who did you help at school today?”
5. Encourage community volunteering.
Leadership is about contribution and serving others. It’s not about power, being in charge of the team or the boss of others.
Help children understand that a leader's job is to serve, not to take. Help them develop a ‘benefit’ mindset, where they think ‘we’ not ‘me’.
Encouraging children to volunteer their time and effort to assist others is one of the best ways to help them develop a ‘benefit' mindset.
In my student leadership work in primary schools, it’s evident that those students who’ve volunteered their time to help others (by putting out the bins for an elderly neighbour, helping through Scouting, or helping pick up rubbish on Clean Up the Community Days) have huge head starts in the leadership stakes.
Leadership tip: Be a volunteer and model your contribution to your child.
6. Stand back to let the leader emerge.
As a child, did you ever set up a stall to sell lemonade, biscuits or something else?
If so, you showed genuine initiative by getting off your backside and trying to make a dollar or two.
Sometimes, as parents, we need to stand back and allow kids to use their initiative rather than parent down and worry about the risks.
Leadership for kids (just as it is for adults) takes many forms. It can be shown through entrepreneurship, sports, outdoor activities, the classroom, or membership in the Student Representative Council.
We should recognise your leadership when we see it and allow kids the opportunity to test themselves and build their capacities and resilience.
Leadership tip: Ask your child if there’s a project that they’d like to do. If so, work with them to make it happen.
7. Cometh the environment cometh the leader
As a teacher, I took many classes away on school camp, and I never ceased to be amazed at how the most unlikely students would step up as leaders on camp.
There were always reserved students in the classroom who blossomed into wonderful leaders on camp.
Camp would bring out the leader in these kids.
The same phenomenon occurs on the sporting field. Children who hold back in the classroom often become influential leaders in sports because they are in an environment that suits their strengths and personalities.
Sometimes, all it takes for a child to become a genuine leader is to find the environment or activity that best suits them.
As a parent, provide experiences in different environments to allow your child to find their true leadership north.
Leadership tip: Work with your child to identify the types of activities and environments where they’re most likely to shine
Finally……
You may think leadership is okay for some kids, but it’s not for every child.
What about neuro-diverse kids or those with extra needs? Can they be leaders, too?
Hopefully, no one asked that question of Steven Hawking, Stevie Wonder or Helen Keller as kids!
They are each world leaders in their various fields.
Every child has leadership potential. It takes a loving, patient adult to bring it out.
Leadership Inspiration:
“Before a child can lead, they need to feel comfortable in their own skin.” Michael Grose
“Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them.” Lady Bird Johnson
“If children develop a sense of civic-mindedness – and there is no better way to do it than by example – children will probably follow.” Sandra Day O’Connor
An Extra Dash For Dads.
Image by Travis Anderson from Pixabay
Leadership development is fertile ground for most dads.
Particularly, those practical types who like to get down and dirty with their kids.
It’s extra important to focus on your relationship with children, whether they’re boys or girls.
Both genders tend to look up to their fathers when they are young – under ten. It’s the Superman Effect. You can do no wrong if you treat them well.
Make the most of this stage as most dads transform into Clarke Kent, at least in their eyes, when kids reach adolescence.
That’s part of the deal.
When they’re young they adore you. When they’re teens they judge you. Then they become adults and become just like you.
As a dad you can encourage leadership in your kids by:
1. Doing things with them.
Your close involvement will teach them subtle life lessons. Most importantly, they’ll learn how you do life.
2. Being a good man.
Raimond Gaita, author of Romulus, My Father, wrote, “I know what an honest man is: I know what friendship is; I know because I remember these things in my father.” I love this!
3. Helping them discover their strengths.
Your focus on their strengths will give them the confidence and capacity to extend themselves and lead others.
4. Teaching them what you know.
There are so many life skills you can pass on to your kids, from dealing with difficult people to looking after your mental health to ironing a shirt.
Yep, even the banal is important.
5. Being vulnerable.
Share your struggles and triumphs with your kids. It’s reassuring for them to know that you are human, with hopes and dreams, anxieties, and fears just like them.
This knowledge helps them be brave and find their voices.