The Chant of Kylie Kwong.

Counting the cost of success.

“I’ve missed out on so much!”

This was the anguished cry of leading restaurateur and author Kylie Kwong when she revealed recently on Australian Story that she was closing her current restaurant and would be leaving the restaurant game behind.

Kwong has been synonymous with restaurants and food excellence for two decades counting food luminaries Neil Perry, Bill Granger and Nigella Lawson as colleagues and friends.

Hers is an incredible story of resilience, determination and drive to be the best. She rose from humble beginnings from an immigrant family to become one of the most influential people in the Australian food scene.

She was at the top of her game when she quit in her early fifties.

What caused the change?

Not burnout. She’d slayed that dragon before.

Not exhaustion. Hard work is an elixir to Kwong.

Not criticism. Kwong is tougher than that.

It was knowledge that she’d devoted so much time and energy to her restaurant businesses that she’d missed so many other experiences such as spending time with her partner, her family and the simpler things that make life worthwhile.

Kwong’s obsession for success came at a great personal cost. But she did something about it rather than continue ploughing on.

Success always comes at a cost.

I’ve been fortunate to work with many highly successful people in their fields, witnessing firsthand the toll that their successes took. These included, relationship breakdowns, poor physical and mental health, alcohol misuse and loneliness.

Success came at a cost to this writer too as I lost my battle with the anxiety beast after years of soldiering on as a professional speaker, who as an introvert was not suited to the stage. My elevation to the Australia Professional Speakers Hall of Fame is proof that I’d made it as a speaker.

Crashing in an emotional heap some years later was my wake-up call. My recovery was slow and not complete until I uttered, “Enough! I can’t do this anymore.” Selling my speaking business finalised my healing process.

Success, happiness or something else?

So, what drives you?

A simple but vital question everyone should ask themselves.

Especially if you are a parent as the costs can be felt for generations.

If the quest to be successful is your highest driver, then be careful what you wish for.

You may reach your personal pinnacle but what will you be giving up in return?

Strive for success, but don’t become obsessed with it.

I’m love the Rudyard Kipling quote:

“If you can meet triumph and disaster and treat that imposter the same.”

These days I’ve prioritised personal satisfaction with my work over success and the trappings that come with it.

As a conscientious person I know that I’ll always do my best. But I no longer make success my personal holy grail.

I’ve got my mental health back and life’s good.

I’m happy with that.

And I know that Kylie will be happy with her decision to walk away from an extraordinarily successful business before the personal costs become insurmountable.