The dumbest thing I've ever heard a parent say.

There are many ways to be a great parent, but hoping for the best is not one of them. Chance is not a successful parenting strategy.

Today’s article is the latest in the special Sunday Series, which differs from the regular Parenting Toolbox newsletter articles in that it takes a different, sometimes deeper, look at the world of parenting.

Today, I explore why continually educating yourself as a parent is not just wise, but essential.

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You said what?

A recent conversation with the father of a two-year-old boy floored me. When he heard I write about parenting, he told me, “I don’t take parenting advice………. from experts. I can work it out myself.”

I asked, “So, where do you learn about being a dad? Who do you learn from?”

“I pick it up as I go along. It’s worked so far.”

“So you learn by trial and error.”

“Pretty much,” he said sheepishly.

I realised I’d hit a brick wall at that point, so I changed the subject.

“I don’t take parenting advice” has got to be the dumbest thing I’ve heard.

That statement indicates a mind closed to learning, curiosity, or personal growth.

It’s a bad case of “you don’t know what you don’t know.”

Five Reasons Why Parenting Education Makes Perfectly Good Sense.

Parenting education, whether through courses, seminars or reading, is essential for everyone who wants to be successful at the parenting or caregiving caper.

Here’s why:

1. There are fewer children.

With plunging birth rates and aging populations, the number of children as a percentage of the population has shrunk dramatically in developed countries like Australia.

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, currently, 18.7% of the Australian population is under 15 years old, compared to 30.2% in 1964.

Sixty years ago, one in every three people in Australia was a child, whereas now, less than one in five is a child. That’s significant. With fewer children, we are less knowledgeable about what makes kids tick and less tolerant, but that’s another story.

Most new parents in Australia, aged 30-34, have limited childcare experience unless gained professionally.

This story is repeated in developed countries such as the US, the UK and most of Europe.

• Fewer children and older parents means less intrinsic knowledge about children and child development compared to parents of past generations.

2. Don’t practise on your kids.

Regardless of your experience with children, the minute you held your first baby in your arms, you were at the beginning of a massive learning curve.

Unbridled joy met high anxiety.

Bringing that first child home is an incredible experience. Everything is new. That first child takes you into new ground at every developmental stage—toddlerhood, primary school, adolescence, and beyond.

Parenting becomes easier with every subsequent child.

Every youngest child should write a letter to their eldest sibling thanking them for breaking their parents in.

If only.

Most parents now stop at two children, which means most developmental situations are new, particularly if you have a boy and a girl.

• Parenting education is a way of fast-tracking your development so you don’t have to practise your parenting on your kids.

3. Each child is different.

I've always had a private chuckle when parents comment about their eldest child.

“She’s a great sleeper. She’s so easy to put down.”

“He’s doing well at school. He loves to read.”

“She’s so well-behaved. I can take her anywhere.”

You can bet that their second child will be different. Your children may be the same gender, come from the same gene pool and have the same parents, but as I wrote in Why first borns rule the world and last borns want to change it, your first and second children will be fundamentally different.

And the strategies that were successful for the first child may not work for the second.

• So, if you are going to succeed with the second, third, and so on, you need to add more tools to your parenting toolbox.

4. Each parenting generation faces unique issues.

Most parents use their own family experiences, whether good or bad, to guide many aspects of their parenting. I loved that my mother greeted me with a friendly smile and a hearty plate of food every day after school. As an at-home dad, I ensured my kids experienced this as much as possible.

As parents, we keep the best practices and methods of our parents and reject the rest.

However, children and parents face many situations today that previous generations didn’t contend with.

Yes, social media, anxiety, and social changes such as more diverse family dynamics—I’m talking about you!

You can’t rely on your childhood experiences to guide you through new situations.

• That’s why it’s wise to seek help from others, whether informal through networking or trusted professional assistance through courses, seminars, or the written form.

5. We know more.

Thirty years ago, my wife, a primary school teacher, struggled to teach an eight-year-old boy in her class. An experienced teacher, she tried many strategies to manage and teach this difficult-to-reach child.

She reached out to several mental health professionals, one who thought he recognised the symptoms. At his advice, this boy was tested and found to have Asperger’s Syndrome. My wife had acquired a new understanding and a set of teaching strategies tailored to this boy’s condition..

Success followed.

Fast-forward three decades, and Asperger’s Syndrome is now considered part of the autism spectrum and doesn’t have its diagnosis. Given its prevalence, it’s estimated that there is at least one autistic student in every Australian classroom.

What was once rare is now standard.

Conditions change, and research constantly discovers more about mental health, school life, and child development. Best parenting practices are continually evolving as we learn more.

And we’re learning at a rapid rate.

• Staying up-to-date with these advancements as they become relevant to your child is a requirement for effective parenting.

Finally…….

Trial and error is not a parenting strategy. It may work out with easy kids, but it doesn’t work for raising children, who, for whatever reason, present challenges to your parenting norm.

Fortunately, most parents acknowledge that they need assistance and guidance at some stages of their parenting journey.

This is a positive change, as in the past, many parents wouldn't seek assistance, as supposedly only poor or struggling parents sought help.

Thankfully, parenting education is normalised, and it is understood that we all struggle at different times.

We encourage our kids to seek help and advice, so why not us?

Parenting education takes many forms, including;

• attending seminars and courses,

• taking part in online classes and webinars,

• participating in discussion-based workshops,

• reading books and knowledgeable articles, such as this one.

Time, opportunity and learning preference will impact your learning mode. You can pick one or more, but please choose one.

Keep learning. Stay up to date. Expand your toolbox.

Here’s to Becoming Better Parents.

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Sunday Series Survey

Please complete our Sunday poll. I’ll be fascinated to see the results.

Pass it on.

I hope this article has given you insight into your child’s resilience. It’s wise to share it with your partner or someone else who knows your child. They may have a different perspective, which is equally valuable.

Please pass it on to a family member, friend, colleague, or fellow educator who may find it valuable.

And yes, principals and teachers can share Parenting Toolbox with their school communities. It’s the best in short-form parenting education.

Parenting Toolbox October/November Publication Schedule

Here’s what you can look forward to reading in the coming weeks in Parenting Toolbox. Please note, this doesn’t include my special Sunday Series articles.

10th October

Empowering the Unsung Heroes: A Guide to Nurturing The Family Underdog.

Raising talented kids is easy, but parenting struggling children is challenging. These five tools are essential for raising kids who struggle.

24th October

From Worrier to Warrior: Empower Your Kids to Manage Their Worries And Thrive.

It's easy to feel overwhelmed when your child is anxious, but there are many things you can do to help. These seven tools helps calm even the most anxious children.

7th November

Expert Tools For Successfully Managing Boys’ Behaviour: The Ultimate Guide For Parents.

Boys’ physical nature, boisterousness and propensity to push boundaries can be challenging, especially if you’re used to managing girls. This guide will help you raise respectful, well-behaved boys.

21st November

The Ultimate Guide to Building Your Child’s Self-Confidence.

How to flick on your child’s confidence switch when they need it most. This is an essential read for every parent, teacher and coach.

5th December

Make Your Parenting So Simple That You Can’t Fail (And Neither Will Your Kids).

Successful parenting becomes simple with this foolproof method of turning essential skills into easy-to-apply habits.

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Principals and teachers, you can add these articles to your school’s digital newsletter so all the parents in your school community can learn and grow together. Find out how you can subscribe here.