Ditch parenting uncertainty: 6 tools to turn you into a parenting legend.

Better parenting is easier than you think. These 6 tools will transform your parenting in a flash.

The internet is awash with parenting advice. Much of it follows a similar pattern:

Child has a problem. Here’s how to fix it.

That’s the cookie cutter approach.

That’s why parenting sounds easy on paper, but is hard to put into practice.

Here are six powerful ideas to help you become a better parent (that you won’t find these anywhere else).

1.    Ask parents you admire how they do what they do.

The trouble with parenting a small family is that everything is new. At every development stage everything is new.

Look at the parents you hang around with and notice how they manage battles, organize their family, and deal with conflict.

Copy their successes.

Ask them how they do it – whatever it is they do.

Mentoring (this is a form of mentoring) is the fastest way I know to develop new skill and abilities.

Pro tip: Befriend a parent whose kids are two or three years older than yours and lean on them for advice.

2.    Know your best parenting self.

We have a negativity bias when it comes to our parenting escapades.

“Why did I say that?” “If only I hadn’t have done that!”

Sound familiar?

Here’s a trick to help you feel better about yourself and do better as well.

Think about when you are at your best as a parent. I was usually at my parenting best when I was teaching, or helping my kids do something new. I’m generally (or like to think) patient, attentive and positive.

What about you? What are you like when you’re at your parenting best?

Next time you feel like losing it with your kids take a few big breaths and remember your parenting best.

Then act as your parenting best self – in my case, with patience, attentiveness, and positivity.

The results will astound you.

3.    Escape the eternal now.

Nature has a way of keeping parents in the present moment. That served us well in caveman/woman days when there were threats all around us.

Staying in the present kept us alive.

However, the tendency to stay focused on the present has its parental drawbacks. We often see kids' problems as needing immediate solutions. Immediacy becomes the norm, preventing us from looking too far ahead.

Develop the habit of thinking ahead- more than the end of the week or school term. Take a break from parenting once or twice a year. Use this time to develop a longer-term parenting plan.

My Parenting by Design article will show you how to develop a longer-term parenting strategy.

4.    Add reflection to your routine.

Do you journal? If so, do you journal daily?

Congratulations, you have found a wonderful way to deal with daily stuff. And a wonderful way to better yourself.

If you don’t journal, then spend a few minutes on a regular basis reflecting on your kids, your parenting and yourself. The good, the bad and the ugly.

Reflection can make you feel bad if you focus on the negative stuff. But if you keep a balance, it can help you feel good about yourself. It can help you appreciate the magic moments more. Importantly it will help you avoid repeating those awful parenting moments.

Or, at least, minimise them.

5.     Spend time in your child’s shoes.

You can do this by spending some time at their childcare, school or after school event.

You can also spend some time in their shoes by seeing the world – their world – through their eyes.

Imagine what it’s like to be a four-year-old always looking up at people.

Or what it’s like as seven-year-old who’s anxious about returning to school after a long holiday.

Or a thirteen-year-old who has one foot on childhood and one adulthood and resents both.

Spending time in your child’s shoes will help you be the parent that your child needs.

And that is a powerful state of parenting being.

6.    Fine tune your antenna to view your child’s strengths.

What you focus on as a parent expands.

When you notice your kids arguing then that tends to be all you see. You will miss kind sibling behaviour because it’s nuanced and you’re not on the look out for it.

You can fine tune your attention, like a TV antenna (I'm showing my age), to pick up the signals that you want.

Make a concerted effort to recognize and praise the behavior you want. Ignore, or downplay, annoying behaviour.

I know you can't ignore everything. Pick your battles. Address negative behavior with a neutral tone and few words.

Discipline like a neutral cop, is the way to go.

Finally….

I’ve helped many parents over the years become the parents that they want to be. And success is simple:

·      Ask parents you admire how they do what they do.

·      Know your best parenting self.

·      Escape the eternal now.

·      Add reflection to your routine.

·      Spend time in your child’s shoes.

·      Fine tune your antennae to see your child’s best.