Twenty Signs Your Child Is Becoming More Resilient.
Find out if your child is on the road to resilience.
Today’s article is the second in the Sunday Series, which differs from the regular Parenting Toolbox newsletter articles.
It’s short, sharp, thought-provoking and very useful - yep, it’s about resilience. Not why you should promote it or how to promote it.
But how can you tell if your child is travelling down the road to resilience?
Read on.
Resilience helps kids in all areas of life.
The ability to recover from loss, disappointment, and failure, the capacity to manage emotions during times of hardship, and the propensity to push through difficulty are needed at school, in family life, in sports, and so on.
Resilience is about coping, enduring, recovery and building strengths for the future.
So, how do you know your child is becoming more resilient?
These 20 signs indicate that your child or young person is developing the skills and mindset needed to handle life’s challenges effectively. He or she:
1. Asks for help when needed.
Help-seeking behaviours are healthy. Seeking assistance in times of stress and difficulty helps prevent kids from feeling overwhelmed.
2. Sees lessons in setbacks and learns from them.
Viewing mistakes as learning is a feature of resilient learners. Resilience won’t make mistakes go away, but it helps children see past them and not be deterred by them.
3. Believes things will improve with effort and persistence.
Perseverance enables kids to get back up after falling, brush themselves off, figure out why they lost or made a mistake, and incorporate that new knowledge into another effort.
4. Sets realistic goals and work toward them.
Goal-setting is valuable for helping kids overcome obstacles and achieve complex tasks. It gives kids a sense of control over difficult situations. The more they practise goal-setting, the stronger their resilience will become.
5. Acts independently and makes decisions on their own.
Independence fosters children’s capacities to resolve problems and overcome difficulties. It feeds their self-belief and willingness to take growth risks.
6. Persists in problem-solving despite difficulties.
Problem-solving reduces stress, boosts self-confidence and helps build children’s resourcefulness and self-efficacy. An inability to resolve problems leads to dependence on others.
7. Maintains a strong interest in school and learning.
The ability to connect to essential institutions such as schools is a protective factor for children and young people.
8. Manages stress and challenges in healthy ways.
Parents play a big part in modelling healthy ways of looking after their mental health. For instance, going for a walk rather than reaching for the refrigerator is a healthy way to self-manage your emotions when you/they are under pressure.
9. Builds positive relationships with adults and peers.
Children's and young people’s well-being is strongly influenced by their relationships with their peers. Positive friendships and stable adults play influential roles in these lives, insulating them against negative peer relationships.
10. Takes responsibility for their actions.
A child’s accountability and willingness to experience the consequences of their behaviours show the independence and maturity needed for natural resilience.
11. Shows flexibility and adapts to change.
Resilient children are generally flexible and able to adapt to different circumstances and pivot to unexpected situations. It’s important that adults give children the chance to adjust to new social and learning situations rather than altering them to make life easier for children.
12. Demonstrates self-control and regulates emotions.
Emotional control is one of the cornerstones of resilience and recovery. A child who can stay calm in the face of failure, disappointment and hardship is taking an important first step to overcoming difficulties.
13. Engages in creative activities to express themselves.
Creativity unlocks inner resources needed for dealing with stress, solving problems, and enjoying life. When kids are creative, they problem-solve in new and original ways.
14. Expresses gratitude and appreciation.
Research has shown that consciously practising gratitude can reduce stress and anxiety. Studies have found that a single act of thoughtful gratitude produces an immediate 10% increase in happiness and a 35% reduction in depressive symptoms.
15. Shows kindness and helps others.
When children and young people are empathetic, show kindness and help others, a hormone called oxytocin is released. Oxytocin improves mood, reduces stress levels, and boosts self-esteem.
16. Uses positive self-talk to boost confidence.
Positive self-talk boosts optimism and feelings of hope, which help kids manage difficulties and hardships. Self-talk is best cultivated by significant others, so let your child hear you lauding your efforts to overcome difficulties.
17. Set boundaries and respect others’ boundaries.
Boundaries (such as no mobile phones at the meal table) help protect a child’s mental and emotional resources, allowing kids to develop healthy coping mechanisms, build strong relationships, and find purpose. They also help set up a protective shield on their lives.
18. Handles criticism constructively and learns from it.
Criticism can be challenging but offers a great learning opportunity if delivered respectfully and reasonably.
19. Shows curiosity and a desire to learn.
Curiosity about the world around them and the wish to learn is a crucial resilience trait. Curiosity helps kids manage anxiety, demonstrating a sense of control when facing adverse events.
20. Looks for new experiences and challenges.
Resilience is the capacity to adjust to different challenges and difficulties. It’s experienced rather than taught, so when children seek new experiences, they are testing out their resilience skills.
Make it count.
So, how is your child shaping up?
I recommend scoring each of the twenty signs out of five, from 0 for not showing that trait to 5 for a solid showing. Thus, you’ll reach a score out of 100.
Importantly, you’ll see areas of strength and places that are not so strong.
Then what?
I like to work from a position of knowledge in whatever I’m doing, whether writing an article, playing a game, or raising kids. I lead from my strengths and improve my weaknesses.
I'd like to invite you to adopt this approach with this resilience article. Understand your child’s resilience strengths and be grateful for them. Lean into them when life throws curve balls.
Then, pick an area of concern and improve it, if possible. Then choose another, and so on.
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Pass it on.
I hope this article has given you an insight into your child’s resilience. It’s smart to share it with your partner or someone else who knows your child. They may have a different perspective. That is equally valuable.
Pass it on to a family member, friend, colleague, or fellow educator who may find it valuable.