Disciplining a sensitive child.

Know a child who wears their heart on their sleeve? "Handle With Care" if discipline is to be effective, not harmful.

Disciplining sensitive kids is tricky.

Sensitive kids, those creative, empathetic types who wear their hearts on their sleeves and take even the slightest criticism personally, need to be handled with care.

Disciplining a sensitive child is like an elephant walking on ice – you’re only ever one step away from disaster.

It’s tempting not to discipline them, so you won’t hurt their feelings. But sensitive kids need to learn to become social so they can reach their full potential. They also like to feel safe and secure so a permissive ‘do whatever’ approach is not for this group.

Discipline techniques to avoid.

Shelve these methods if a child is a worrier or takes every slight personally.

Shaming, naming and blaming.

“You should be ashamed of yourself”; “You’re a naughty girl” and “It’s all your fault!” should be left out of every parent’s armoury as they do more harm than good.

They have a devastating impact on sensitive children’s self-esteem. Such a phrase uttered with anger and annoyance can have a lasting impact.

Physical discipline.

This method should be off the table altogether, but especially for this group.

Withdrawal of love and affection.

There’s a difference between withdrawing affection and withdrawing attention. The latter is temporary and is aimed at specific behaviours that kids use to keep parents busy. The former is more permanent. Withdrawal of affection damages relationships and decreases children’s positive sense of self.

Sensitive children often confuse the temporary withdrawal of attention with withdrawal of affection so it’s best to keep ignoring children’s poor behaviour to a minimum.

Isolation.

Sensitive kids usually hate the isolation of time out. They tend to fret rather than reflect, which is the main purpose of this method.

Discipline tools to use.

Let the following ideas guide your discipline interactions when sensitive kids behave poorly.

Give them a chance to make good.

Most sensitive kids crave adult approval so a stern look or a change in voice tone is enough to communicate your disapproval, followed by advice about how to behave better next time.

Give them the chance to make good and do better.

They won’t let you down.

Watch your manner.

Sensitive kids are mood detectives. They’re always reading the emotion behind your words. While friendly and firm discipline sounds like a cliché, it’s a reality for sensitive kids.

Move close, speak quietly and assure them their relationship with you is not harmed by their poor behaviour.

Soft touch, while talking, is reassuring and calming for these nervous kids.

Use consequences carefully.

If kids repeatedly break a rule or misbehave when the limits are clear use a consequence, but make sure you deliver it like a neutral cop. This way they won’t feel ashamed, which is a common emotion felt by these kids.

Then talk about better ways of behaving.

Separate the behaviour from the child so they know it’s their behaviour, not them, that’s getting under your skin.

Replace time out with time in.

Place them close to you – on a chair or similar spot – when they need to calm down or spend some time pondering their behaviour.

Quiet time doesn’t need to mean isolation.

Separating them from you is the worst thing you can do.

Repair the relationship.

It’s good to spend time with your child to re-establish goodwill after discipline. This isn’t always possible as life gets in the way.

But make it a rule of thumb to check in with a sensitive child after discipline to make sure that everything is okay.

Make peace even though you may not see the need.

Finally……

One in three children falls into the sensitive category.

Sensitivity is closely linked with anxiety and other mental health issues.

While anxiety is now part of mainstream conversation when discussing children, sensitivity is still on the edges, as it’s not widely understood.

Parents, teachers and coaches need to factor sensitivity in when they manage kids’ behaviour, if discipline is to be effective, not harmful.

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