From Worrier to Warrior: Empower Your Kids to Manage Their Worries And Thrive.

It's easy to feel overwhelmed when your child is anxious, but there are many things you can do to help. These seven tools and ideas will help calm even the most apprehensive children.

Photo by R.D. Smith on Unsplash

Facing fears is a natural part of childhood. Fear of the dark, spiders in the toilet, and being left alone are valid for young children.

Kids generally grow out of these fears.

But some children’s fears and worries don’t dissipate with age. They ramp up, making worrying become a complex behaviour to break.

Worriers need to be handled sensitively.

Young worriers benefit from sensitive, understanding adults who can support them, rather than implore them “not to worry”.

Encouragement is an essential tool for parents of worriers and anxious kids.

They also need practical, real-time tools to help them cope and build their strengths to minimise their impact.

These seven tools, ideas and strategies will help you transition your child from a young worrier to a social and learning warrior:

1. Take their worries seriously.

 “Get over it” may have been a standard response to a child’s worries a generation ago, but not now.

• Let your child know that their concerns are real to you and that you’ll support them in overcoming their worries and fears.

• You may not understand why a child or young person worries about something. But recognise that their worry or anxiety is real.

• Involve them in developing a plan to help them manage their fears and worries when they emerge.

2. Give their worry a name.

Giving a worry a name makes it feel less scary and more manageable.

My favourite picture storybook for toddlers, ‘There’s a Hippopotamus on Our Roof ‘ by Hazel Edwards, personifies fear of the dark as a friendly hippo. It's much more friendly and accessible to boss around if you’re a child.

• Invite your child to give their worry, fear or anxiety a name or alter ego.

This method works for teenagers too.

A young person I know calls his pre-football match nerves Neville. Before playing a football game, he says hi to Neville just as he would a friend. Giving his nerves a nerdy name, reduces their power and helps put him back in control.

3. Put their worries in a jar.

Wouldn’t it be fantastic to lock your worries in a safe and throw away the key?

As an adult, you can do the next best thing- take time out to relax by reading a book going for a walk, taking a bath or some other form of relaxation..

Many children need more practical ways to stop them from worrying.  Here’s a simple idea but practical idea:

• Invite them to write their worries on paper and put them by the side of the bed at the end of the day. Young children can lock them in a jar.

Writing down their worries brings them out of the shadows and into the light, where they are less scary.

Kids often find that their worries have dissipated or disappeared (or, more likely, escaped from the jar) when they wake up the next day.

4. Limit the time they talk about their worries.

It’s healthy for children and teens to talk about their worries, but not to the extent that they catastrophise. Sometimes, talking about their anxieties must be contained so their fears don’t become all-consuming.

• Set aside ten minutes daily to talk about their worries and then put worry time aside until tomorrow.

• Avoid revisiting their worries, “We’ve discussed that already. Let’s talk about something else.”

Similarly, worriers frequently seek parental reassurance that everything will be okay. However, be careful not to continually reassure them that everything will be fine. Continual reassurances often make their fears worse.

5. Normalise their concerns.

Anxiety expert Dr. Jodi Richardson says that children who experience anxiety or continually worry often feel that “there is something wrong inside.”

Reinforce that it’s common to worry about giving a speech, be nervous about going to a party when they don’t know anyone, or be anxious about returning to school after the holidays.

Knowing that others experience their concerns can be a source of reassurance, as many worriers think they are the only ones who worry.

6. Prioritise their worries.

Worrying is energy-sapping and takes up a great deal of time.

• When they feel overwhelmed, ask them to write down all their worries on a sheet of paper. Then, suggest they list their concerns from biggest to smallest.

This helps them put things into perspective and feel they have some control over the things that worry them or make them anxious.

7. Help them find the tools to relax.

This writer relaxes in front of the TV, which is sufficient to take my mind off my worries. I also love to walk when anxious; fresh air and exercise always calm me down.

However, some people need more tools, including mindfulness, meditation and time in nature, to help them relax and calm their minds.  

Work with your child to identify the best way to relax and distract them from their worries. Every child relaxes differently, so it helps to experiment to find out what works.

Finally….

Worriers can function well at school, work, and in the community. But without adult assistance and early intervention, their achievements can come at a high cost to their mental health and well-being.

Also, worrywarts are hard to live with as kids and also adults. Their worrying ways can make them difficult adult partners and friends.

Fortunately, there’s a great deal you can do to help.

Childhood is the ideal time to give natural-born worriers practical anxiety-management tools and strategies to make their lives more tolerable for themselves and those around them.

NOTE: My book Anxious Kids (co-authored with Dr. Jodi Richardson) outlines five essential tools and seven lifestyle factors guaranteed to reduce anxiety in children.

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How do you calm your child down when they worry? What do you think works for you? Please share your ideas with other parents and read their ideas as well.

Parenting Toolbox Words of Wisdom

“Lack of control is behind a great deal of childhood anxiety, leading to obsessive preparation and perfectionism. Play is essential to raising resilient kids as it builds their confidence to positively shape their environment and influence the events that worry them.

Anxious Kids by Michael Grose, Dr. Jodi Richardson