Here's your independence-building parenting audit
If you don't want your kids living in your basement when they're forty then this audit is definitely for you.
After the release of my book Spoonfed Generation: How to raise independent children five years ago, many readers contacted me asking for independence-building benchmarks.
Fair enough.
We all want to know how we are faring, especially on such a crucial area as kids’ autonomy and agency.
Benchmarking in parenting is difficult as every child is different and every parent’s personal circumstances are different.
Kids mature at different rates. There are Neurodivergent kids, early maturers and late bloomers in every group of kids so setting age-related measures is tricky.
I created the following 10 statement audit to help you assess how much your parenting is assisting your children to become independent and autonomous.
What your kids have in common is the best guide to the impact of your parenting method.
Take the audit
Give yourself a score from 0-10 on the following ten statements. Score a higher mark for how closely you parenting matches each statement.
1. You insist that your children do daily self-help tasks (e.g make their bed, feed themselves) on a basis.
2. You expect your children to help at home regularly without being paid.
3. You allow your children to organise their own lives and take a great degree of responsibility free from constant reminders.
4. If they forget to pack their lunch then you realise that this is opportunity for them to show their resourcefulness and resilience so wouldn’t take it to school for them.
5. You provide opportunities for children to take positive risks such as walking/riding to school, taking public transport to a friend’s house, and managing their own pocket-money.
6. You allow children to make their own decisions about personal issues such as the choice of clothing, hobbies and friendships.
7. You encourage your children to keep themselves occupied rather than being their private entertainment officer.
8. Your children cooperate and behave well independent of you.
9. Your children are generally well-organised and are not constantly reminded as about life’s basics such as packing school bags, doing chores and their siblings’ birthdays.
10. You give your kids tools to solve their own problems (such as sorting out friendship issues) rather than solve them for them.
Score:
90-100: Wow! Your kids will be out of your hair before you know it.
80-89: Well done. Pretty normal really.
70-79: You/they may have an area or two to pick up on.
60-69: Hmm! You’re kids could lift their game.
0-59: Plenty of room for improvement
How did you go?
Did you score higher on some questions than others? Would you score differently for each child in your family?
If so, that’s quite natural as parenting is rarely even across the family as we adjust our expectations to suit different kids.
In case you’re wondering, this audit gives an insight into 10 different aspects of independence and self-sufficiency. The focus for each is outlined below:
1.Self-help 2. Helping others 3. Agency 4. Responsibility 5. Expanding horizons 5. Risk-taking. 6. Agency 7. Self-occupier 8. Self-discipline 9. Self-organisation 10. Problem-solving
What next?
I assume that you’re reading this article because you want to get better as a parent. Continuous improvement is what Parenting Toolbox is all about.
Regardless of your score, pick a focus area and work on that until you’ve nailed it and then go for another. And then another.
If you got a perfect score, pick a focus area and aim to get better at that. There’s alway room for improvement.
And if you want the full gameplan for building independence at each developmental stage, then read my book Spoonfed Generation: How to raise independent children.
It’s a bloody good read.
And bloody useful too!
!
You can get your copy at the Kindle bookstore now.